


Where Are You Now

by HumanTrampoline



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Non-powered AU, Tony needs help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 09:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumanTrampoline/pseuds/HumanTrampoline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where are you now?<br/>Do you ever think of me,<br/>in the quiet, in the crowd?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Are You Now

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I listen to Mumford and Sons at work for the entire day.

\---

“I- Look, Col. Rhodes, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but he’s made it clear he wants nothing to do with me.”

They’re standing in the coffee shop Steve frequents on his way to work. Rhodey ‘just happened’ to be in the area. Just like Pepper had ‘accidentally’ dialed his number two days ago. Steve’s glad that Tony has such good friends, really, but he doesn’t understand why they keep pressing the issue. He and Tony had dated for a few months, and sure, it’d been…well, practically, frighteningly, perfect, but Tony was the one who pulled away. Tony was the one who said the terrible things Steve still hears in his nightmares.

“I know he said that but I’ve been friends with Tony for years. He panics when he thinks things are going too well; it’s a defense mechanism. I swear, if you call him, he’ll answer. And he’ll be sorry. He won’t apologize, at least not with words, but I know he misses you, Steve. He’s a wreck.”

There’s a pang in his chest at the thought of Tony upset over him, but it’s quickly replaced by irritation.

“Rhodes, you didn’t hear the things he said. If Tony wants to talk to me, he has my number. If he can find it among all his other _contacts_.”

Steve’s about to walk away when James grabs his shoulder. He opens his mouth for an _excuse me, I have to get to work_ but stops dead when he catches the look on Rhodes’ face. There’s more to this than what Steve had assumed.

“I know the gossip rags and the press love to speculate on his private life. And yeah, when Tony was younger, he got around. But damnit Steve, I have _never_ seen him look at someone the way he looked at you. He let you in; do you have any idea how rare that is?”

Steve shakes his head.

“Just, please, tell me you’ll try to call.”

“I’ll try.”

“Thank you.”

\---

Steve goes home that night and after eating a tasteless meal, stares at his phone for what feels like hours. He reaches for it but stops short, Tony’s voice echoing in his mind.

_Get the fuck out, Rogers. We both got what we wanted; you were stupid to think it’d ever be more._

His hand curls into a fist. The anger’s burned out after months of listening to Tony’s words on repeat, in his dreams, in his idle moments. Now all that’s left is the pain, sharp and piercing, crawling through his chest and settling in his gut.

He gets up, changes, and goes for a run.

There aren’t any messages for him when he returns.

\---

_What the shitfuck have I done, jesus christ._

It’s stupidly late, that’s all he really knows. The workshop is dead quiet, the lights muted to a dim glow. It’s been almost three months and he can still see Steve’s face when he closes his eyes. He’s replayed their last meeting in his mind so many times that now he can pinpoint the precise moment he broke Steve’s heart. The way his face had twisted, the way his shoulders had hunched slightly. Some small part of Tony had been sickly fascinated by how…diminished Steve’s presence had become by the end of their conversation. How thoroughly he had demolished him with only his words.

 _Steve, just…please forgive me._ It’s all he really wants. Steve’s forgiveness. Steve’s arm around his shoulder. His laugh, his understanding, his warmth. It’s everything he knows he’ll never have.

_Not after what you’ve done. Selfish. Cruel. Worthless._

He’s half laying across his workbench and it’s all he can do to curl further in on himself, tucking his chin against his chest. Doing so brings his phone into view. It’s sitting, unobtrusive, at the end of the bench, next to a bottle of Talisker. Tony doesn’t remember leaving it there but he’s deep enough in his cups, it’s possible he left…Wait. Pepper had been by earlier this evening? Yesterday? She’d probably left it in another attempt to get him to talk to Steve. Her and Rhodey, both so convinced that all Tony needed to do was call.

_He’s better off without you, deadweight. Spoilt rich boy, always thinks he’s **so** clever. Steve would have found out eventually, how much of a failure you are. How weak._

Tony reaches for the scotch.

\---

He jerks awake in what feels like the middle of the night. A quick glance at his clock informs him it’s almost morning. 4:00 a.m. He fumbles blearily for the vibrating hunk of plastic on the bedside table. Why would anyone be calling at…

His heart drops in his chest as he reads the caller i.d.

_Tony Stark_

He takes a deep breath, trepidation knotting in his stomach, and presses ‘answer’.

“Tony?”

He’s greeted by a nearly perfect silence, save for the rasp of someone breathing.

“Tony, please don’t hang up. Please.”

Steve almost can’t stand how thin his own voice sounds, but the anger and the worry are all tangled together inside him. Steve’s seen the news lately, and both Pepper and Rhodey have called. He’s been in a dire tail spin too extreme to be explained by ‘just a break up’. Even for all the pain Tony’s caused him, the thought of losing him is terrifying. He grips the bedclothes with his free hand and tries again.

“Tony?”

There’s a shaky inhale on the other end of the line and then:

“Steve,” Tony’s voice cracks across his name. “Steve, I’m so sorry.”

Relief floods his system. Tony sounds absolutely horrible, slurred and rough, but he’s talking. It’s at least a step. He swallows around the almost painful tightness in his throat.

“It’s…It’ll be ok. Where are you? Are you alright?”

“I…Can you come back, please? I know I was terrible, and I’m so- I’m so sorry, but I just-”

Steve’s not sure if the noise Tony makes is a hiccup or a sob but it breaks his heart either way. He just sounds so _lost_.

“It’ll be alright, I can come back.”

“Now?”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

\---

Mid-morning light is filtering through the bedroom windows when Tony starts to stir. Steve had gotten almost a full night’s sleep last night before Tony’s call; he’s spent the morning attempting to read from the chair he’s pulled up to Tony’s bedside. Mostly he’s been alternating between watching over Tony and thinking about what he’ll say once he awakes. He wants to be angry, and he _is_ , but after this morning it’s become clear that the anger will have to wait. The engineer has lost weight, and there are dark hollows under his eyes. Something is dreadfully Not Right.

“Steve?”

Brown eyes peer at him from the bed.

“Morning. Are you feeling any better?”

Tony closes his eyes and turns his head away; Steve moves to sit on the edge of the bed, brow furrowed with worry. He reaches for Tony, cradles his face in his hand.

“Hey, it’s alright, I’m here, we can talk about this.”

Tony leans into his touch, but his eyes remain closed. Something in his face, maybe the tightness around his eyes, makes Steve think of fear.

“I need help.”  His voice is small in the stillness of the room.

He slides his hand down Tony’s neck, over to his shoulder and gently lifts. Tony moves with him and ends up slumped against his chest. Steve wraps his arms around him and just breathes deep for a moment.  
  
“Then we’ll find help. Together.”


End file.
